No Hard Feelings

I chucked my dating list and decided to give in to actually dating Christopher. I was really starting to enjoy his company. He was completely different then everyone else I dated. More importantly, he was completely different from my ex, whom I initially thought he resembled. Not only physically but because they both are in AA.  But when I spent more and more time with him, he started to look less and less like my ex. 

After a movie date, Christopher accompanied back to my apartment. Clothes were removed and I lead him back to my bedroom. I didn’t want to ruin my new couch. We started to roll around a bit and unlike the actors in the movie; he was having performance anxiety. While I have heard about this happening, I have never experienced it firsthand. I was completely baffled. He turned to me and said that he was completely in his head. In his head? What does that mean?

Now I was in my head. Did I do something? More importantly, did I not do something?  Nevertheless, I finished that job I started. I am dedicated like that. But alas, he did not rise to the task at hand. After he left my apartment it hit me: was it my HIV status that  keeping his penis flaccid? If that was the case then why didn’t he say something? We could have talked about it. But I decided to just let it go. Maybe it was nothing.

Oh, how I was wrong.

When I checked my voice mail that following Sunday, this is what I heard, “I have been in my head…again and I don’t think this is the right romantic relationship for me.” Seriously? The right romantic relationship? Ok…unfortunate, but what can you do?

Cut to a week later and another message. “I’m reaching out to you to let you know that I got a routine STD screening this week and it came back that I had gonorrhea. I have not had any symptoms, so it came as a surprise. I got treatment. The treatment was easy and inexpensive. I’m letting you know so that you can make the decision to get tested / treatment as well. Sorry if this email is awkward, but I needed to let you know so you can stay healthy.”

Awkward, I deal with this conversation on almost every date that I have. Now the following is merely conjecture but, I think it proves my theory that it was my HIV status that kept him in one head and kept the other one down. Directly after having a sexual encounter with me he went and had a STD panel. Now it is him that has potentially given me a STD and not the other way around. Isn’t it  ironic, don’t you think?

I never was so thankful that we didn’t have the big boy sex.  As I did my research, I found out that you don’t need to have the big boy sex to contract gonorrhea. Oral sex will suffice. Shit, don’t I have enough on my plate already? I guess I need to make an embarrassing call to my doctor.

I do respect him for letting me know as soon as he tested. That is very commendable. So much like him, I don’t have any hard feelings.


1 Comment

Filed under AIDS, Dating, Gay, HIV, HIV/AIDS, New York City

One response to “No Hard Feelings

  1. No “hard” feelings? Very witty, sir… Wah Wah Wah…

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