We all make lists of what of what we want our prospective partner to be like. Most of us start these lists in preschool after our first viewing of Cinderella. I quickly learned that I will not find someone who rides horseback and brandishes a sword. Well, unless I wanted someone who works at the renaissance fair and that is completely out of the question. Just as I had to scratch those requirements off my list, so went many others.
My Original List (minus the preteen knight in shining armor portion):
1. Light hair: Blonde or Red
2. Athletic Build
3. Some kind of Artist but not an Actor
4. Must be born before 1980
After my last relationship my list morphed into:
1 A pulse
I also added a new category: Not in AA. This is not because I have disdain for anyone in the program, quite the opposite. I have immense respect for people who choose to turn their life around. And not because I am a raging alcoholic. I am the epitome of a two beer queer. Mostly because of how my ex, Andrew handled his alcoholism and his new obsession with being in the program.
One would assume, with my new list it would be easy to find a perfect match, but we all know what happens when we assume.
On Friday I had a first date with Christopher. Oddly enough Christopher had met both on OkCupid and Manhunt. So, it must be fated. When I actually met him in person I was struck with how much he physically resembled Andrew. Weird. Thankfully their personalities were completely different. We sat down at a Mediterranean wine bar in Hell’s Kitchen. He said he was allergic to alcohol and that I should definitely get something to drink. Twist my rubber arm. Conversation flowed while the appetizers came.
A pulse, check. Kind, check. Smart, check. Funny, check. Light hair, check. Great build, check. While he used to be an actor he doesn’t focus on that any more. Whew, check. Even thought the conversation was great and he was meeting all of my ‘early’ criteria, every time I looked at him I couldn’t help thinking of My ex.
After stopping for the most decadent dessert I had ever had, chocolate covered pretzel ice-cream in the center of a doughnut sandwich, covered in strawberry frosting and Oreo sprinkles (don’t judge) we walked each other to the train. With a couple gentle kisses we said good bye. As soon as I walked up from the underground I saw that I had a text from him. “I had an amazing time, can’t wait to see you again.” We exchanged texts for the next hour and before you know it I had told him I was positive. Sometimes when I feel myself liking someone, I would rather tell them straight away to save me pain from myself falling harder from them only to be rejected because of my status. Christopher was very appreciative of my telling and still wanted to see wanted a second date. Even though I really liked him, I couldn’t help coloring him with the same brush as I used with Andrew. I decided that I should give him at least another go.
I met up with Christopher out on Saturday night. He was at a bar with some friends and I drug David along with me. As Christopher and I chatted he tells me that he is in AA. I can get past looking like my ex but this new element might be too much. But Cut to Christopher and I exiting the train and walking to my apartment (go ahead and judge if you must). We had the most amazing conversation about me being positive. He being negative, he clearly had questions. It was one of the most “adult” moments that I have had. I don’t remember how it happened but then religion crept into our conversation. This before sex? Yes, he is a god person. Not that I am anti-religion, cause I am not. It is just not for me and that is ok.
I am sure that Christopher did not set out on dating someone who is positive, but here he is. So, even though he doesn’t quite live up to everything on my list, I am realizing that these list are evolving and thus I have to evolve with them.
He does have one thing going for him. His kiss is definitely on my list