I am aware that this story has absolutely nothing to do with dating or being positive, but I just thought you would enjoy it. God knows I did!
When I first moved over from the absolute beginner yoga classes to the I should know what I’m doing yoga classes, I was a complete mess. But that’s ok, I was determined to get better and when I set my mind to something, you cannot stop me. It didn’t hurt that my teacher was easy on the eyes. One might call him dreamy, if they were so inclined to. 6 foot something, Reddish hair, amazing build, and an oddly sexy monotone voice. His name was Ben.
At the end of my second class we were working on shoulder stands and as soon as I lifted my feet, “Johnny one note” came over to assist me. Picture this: I was laying on the floor with my legs up in the air and my hands on my back. From behind my feet, Ben grabed a hold of my ankles and pulled them up. My backside was now aligned just below his groin. An onlooker would recognize this as Karma sutra position Hastika. He spoke down to me from above my heels in his deep voice, “Is this ok for you?” I couldn’t even make a sound. I just tentatively shook my head yes. After I class Ben stopped me and ask me if I was coming back the following week. With a bashful smile, I said “Most definitely.”
Next week’s class came and I had to fight with myself to not perform worse than I normally would to garner more “assistance” from the instructor. I was doing much better than last class, which sadly meant that I got no attention. Until we got to chair pose. This initial pose was fine but then he instructed us to take a prayer twist to the right. For those who have never done this before, the trick is to have your hips stay squared and not let one or the other pop forward. This seemed to be my golden ticket. Much a kin to the Karma sutra position Gardabha, Ben crouched down behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He then pulls my hips back directly into his groin to keep them squared. I could feel his entire body wrapped around mine, like a big bear hug. “Is this ok for you?” he whispered into my ear. I chilled went down my spine and I whimpered “Ah huh.”
It was time to switch the prayer twist to the other side. As we twisted he held tightly as to not allow one of my hips to pop forward. By doing this, he kept my hips pressed into his. All of a sudden I felt a twitch on my backside coming from his front side. I stopped for the briefest moment, eyes wide, mouth agape and mustered the strength continue. If he wasn’t holding on to me, I would have fallen on my face. Ben quickly left side before the pose was even finished. Typical.
That was the last I saw of Mr. Monotone. He stopped working at my yoga studio.
Being half Puerto Rican, I realize that my ass has some magical powers that I cannot control. It has been a burden my entire life. It has been hard but I have come excepted this fact. I never realized that it had the power to cause someone to quit their job