Since I moved to New York, Mark has been trying to get me to go to his yoga studio. Yoga had never really been my cup of tea. I like to go to the gym and sweat it out not to go to a dark room and chant with strangers. It seemed a little cult like and besides I stopped drinking Kool-Aid in junior high.
In late November, I acquiesced and signed up for a beginners series that Mark was teaching. As I walked into the yoga studio, I saw a variable buffet of cute boys. There was one who caught my eye. Caught wouldn’t be the right word. I was completely mesmerized by his crystal blue eyes. Those eyes could stop your heart. I know that sounds a little over dramatic, but you didn’t see them so you don’t know. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed like every time I tried to sneak a peak, he was looking at me. He went into one class (clearly an experienced yogi) and I went into my beginners (the I have no idea what I am doing here) class. I was so surprised at how much I actually enjoyed the class. Not only did it leave me feeling rejuvenated and was an incredible work out, I wasn’t left with a Kool-Aid mustache. After class I exchanged glances again with ole blue eyes again. My heart was about to jump out of my chest. On the way to the train I told Mark about the blue eyed boy. Mark told me that his name was Philip. He was completely jealous because he was trying to catch Philip’s eyes for some time. We giggled and gossiped about him like two school girls all the way home.
Even though the thought of seeing Philip again thrilled me, I was dreading the next class. I knew that if I wanted anything to transpire I would have to grow a set and talk to him. Unfortunately for me, I do not do this well. I mean, I grew a set just fine, nature took care of that. But nature did not give me the ability to talk to boys. What nature did give me was the ability to blush and to act like a complete fool when someone I like was around, complete with tripping over my own two feet, the stammering of words and let us not forget the oh so attractive word vomit. For those of you who are not inflicted with shyness, let me take a second to explain. Word vomit occurs when you are so shy and nervous that you cannot say anything and much like a pent up volcano, it is only a matter of time before you erupt. Pompeii has nothing on the damage of these eruptions. So no, I cannot talk to boys I like. That is why I rely on OkCupid and the Gentleman’s socializing Networks. I have to wonder, what did shy people do before the internet?
When I walked into the yoga studio, Mark quickly pulled me aside and said “Merry Christmas, Philip is observing our class tonight.” Apparently, Philip just finished his teacher training program and needs to observe other classes. And he choose mine. I walked into the changing room smiling from ear to ear. Then all of a sudden I was hit with a panic attack. FUCK! Oh God, this is only my second class, I am going to be awful, he will laugh at me and never want to speak to me. I thought about walking out of the class. But then I looked up and saw my reflection. Wow! My arms looked really bumpy, I did biceps earlier at the gym. I decided to stay right then and there. Vanity always wins!
Philip was observing from the back of the small studio. Now, I know that I should have been focused on my practice or something bigger than myself, but all I could think of was those blue eyes. Every downward dog was an opportunity to peer through my legs to catch a glimpse of him. Every chaturanga was an opportunity to work my upper body so my muscles glisten with sweat. I had never work that hard at anything in my life, it was exhausting. After class Mark came up to me and said “You bitch, you were so on point tonight and only because Philip was watching.” I smiled coyly, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
I walked downstairs to wait outside for Mark in the fresh air. Philip was standing there in the door way checking his messages not daring to go out in the rain. When I saw him I almost tripped down the last step. Who trips down stairs? He looked up and said “Hey.” “Hey” is what indented to say, but it came out as some sort of inaudible grumble. No one could speak clearly with those eyes staring up at you. I smiled and walked into the rain. I knew if I waited in the door way I would erupt all over him. To save myself from further embarrassment, I waited outside. In the rain. With no umbrella. After a couple minutes he braved the storm and walked by. He glanced back at me with those blue eyes. I was soaking wet and shivering, but my only thought was “I love yoga!”