A Kiss is Still a Kiss. A Sigh is Just What Happens When You’re Still Kissed on the Cheek!

Pj and I exhanged emails over the next couple of days. He sent me some of his favorite songs, digitally. The new version of the mix tape. Right after he sent me the mix signals mix tape all communications halted. Just like before. A week went by and nothing. I was at the point where I was about to write him off,  again, he sends me a email to ask me if I was free the following Sunday (the Sunday before Valentine’s Day, I might. add). I said “Sure, I’m free” (as casually as I could, to avoid sounding too desperate). Right then he bought us tickets for to see Billy Elliot on Broadway.

I was beaming. Not only was it an extremely sweet gesture but it was our inside joke and it was the day before Valentine’s Day. He must be interested. Just to be sure I texted Mark right away. He asked me if Pj bought the tickets without asking me for money. Yes . He responded “It’s definitely a date. And If he’s paying you have to put out.” I can always count on Mark for sound advice. My faith in humanity is restored!

I met Pj for brunch before the show. Great conversation and great food. It started to shape up to be a perfect third dated. To be honest, I was a little concerned that there was a complete lack of physical contact. I am not talking about man on man action, but just the gentle flirtation touching. There was nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was dying for a little human contact that as we walk to the theatre and his hand grazed mine, my heart almost jumped out of its chest. We walked to our seats and I didn’t even care that we were in the nose bleed section. After the show we walked through Times Square. It is something that I actively try to avoid. We were having such a good time together (sans touching), it didn’t seem to matter. As we said our goodbyes, there it was again: The dreaded kiss on the cheek. WTF? I stood there in the extremely busy 42nd street subway station completely dumbfounded. I can usually read people and I am pretty good at deciphering mixed signals, but I reiterate, WTF? I knew the time has come for to grow a set and ask him what the hell is going on with us. Best to wait a few days. A “what are were doing” email is best not served on Valentine’s Day.

So I waited and waited. God, it felt like I waited for ever to send that damn email. Finally I emailed him, the day after Valentine’s Day. The email was only a couple of lines. I tried to keep it light and fun. Blah blah blah blah blah…”I am just unsure of your intentions. (Yes, I know that makes me sound like I am right out of 1956 — I like to keep it old school).”

Pj’s response: “To be 100% honest, I’m getting more of a friend vibe and I’d hate to mislead you. I was hesitant to say this because I wanted us to become better friends so you wouldn’t friend dump me. But, I realize that was a bit selfish (we Leos have the tendency to be slightly self absorbed.) I’m also dealing with a complicated situation with the guy I mentioned to you from SF. I just think I need to clean house before I even consider embarking on a new relationship regardless.”

Come on now, we have all used a variance of that line before. Couldn’t he be a little more creative. I don’t know, I still have a gut feeling that it is because I’m positive. Maybe it is just easier to believe that than thinking he didn’t like me because of me. No matter what the reason was, could I still want to be friends with someone who would so blatantly lead me on? ARGH, BOYS! Ok, Shrug it off. Back to OkCupid. I hear the Coffee/Drink (no dinner) diet beckoning.


Filed under AIDS, Dating, Gay, HIV, HIV/AIDS, New York City, PJ

4 responses to “A Kiss is Still a Kiss. A Sigh is Just What Happens When You’re Still Kissed on the Cheek!

  1. Whatever. If I was a boy, I’d be all over YOU for YOU. I declare this boy totally inept at recognizing the man of everybody’s dreams.

  2. Christine

    I ask again, “Want me to hit him with my car?” 😉

  3. OK Cupid has to be one of the best and worst things about dating in New York. Sorry to hear about the trauma with PJ- but it’s always best to move on, you know?

  4. Matthew

    I don’t know this person, but I have had similar experiences (being the negative one).

    1. Someone who’s positive, who tried to make that the excuse I wasn’t interested in him. No – it was because my involuntary reaction around you is to be stressed out. It had nothing to do with his positivity, it had to do with the gazillion other issues he needs to work out!

    2. Interested in someone poz, and he backs away from me. I’m trying to figure out whether or not it’s because I’m so aggressive and blunt (MANY people can’t handle me), or whether he’d be afraid to be comfortable (or happy).

    I think in both instances, I’ll become friends with both of them – and right now we are “friends from a distance”. We can’t control who we fall for, or who falls for us. We can only be thankful for when those moments align.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s